Kobe Writes an Advice Column

There have been rumors, apparently, that Kobe Bryant was going to write an advice column for the LA Times. Not suprisingly, these rumors were confirmed to be false. Notwithstanding, ESPN's Patrick Hruby has put together a "sneak preview" of what could have been.

I've taken the liberty of adding my own:

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Dear Kobe,

I work at ABC Inc. and I recently got a promotion from assistant manager to manager. The guy who used to be manager was pretty good, but I thought he was old and overrated, and I was really the guy for the job. I knew the director always liked me more, so I told him I was going to leave the firm and go work for XYZ Inc., a competing firm, if he didn't fire the other guy and make me manager. So he did, and here I am. But now that I've been manager for a while, our company's productivity has gone down. People seem to think that it's my management style - I like to take the lead and make all the decisions. But I really think it's my coworkers' fault, they're just not as smart as me and don't have any good ideas. Plus, the guy I got fired is doing really well with another company and people are saying that maybe he should've stayed on with ABC Inc. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Who's the Boss

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Dear Who's the Boss,

Forget the criticisms. You're the boss. That's all that matters. If people can't see that you're better and smarter than everyone else, it's their problem, not yours. Who cares if the firm's productivity is down? The important thing is that everyone knows that you're in charge. Take it from me, being the sidekick and having the spotlight of your brilliance overshadowed by some over-the-hill guy is no way to live. The only way to get respect is to be Da Man. Take it from the expert.

Kobe-Da-Man-Bryant.